Show a Little Appreciation!

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving, I wanted to provide a little hors d'oeuvre before your feast.

A few years back, while stationed at F.E. Warren AFB, I was assigned as a supervisor of a "seasoned" Senior Airman (seasoned is saying the person had been that rank for a while).  Trying to prove myself as a good supervisor and leader, I followed the Air Force's prescribed techniques and forums to help develop the Airman.  I accomplished the necessary feedback, provided my standards and then we set some goals together that would require plenty of follow-up.  During the feedback, it was brought to my attention that she was currently on a Unfavorable Information File (UIF).  Simply put, she had made some poor choices and the Commander decided it needed to be documented and she needed to make some changes in her life to improve her chances for progression in the Air Force.  For all intents and purposes, she was right on track and had done the necessary time in order to have the UIF removed.  Queue the overzealous leader (me!).

In my excitement to prove my moxy as a leader and to show the world that I could be the catalyst in her reform, I decided to take up the campaign to get her UIF removed.  I retrieved all the background information on the reasons she was on the UIF.  I gained the support and blessing of my boss.  I studied the process on getting a UIF removed.  I even made the appointment with the Commander.  The day came and all my hard work was about to come to fruition.  We entered the Commander's office, I stated the reason why I was there and in about 5 seconds the Commander said "okay", remove the UIF.  I was a little perplexed, but thought, "hey, I am pretty good at this".  What I did not realize yet was that the process of getting her UIF removed had nothing to do with me.  So I continued my victorious march through the hallways of the building.  Chest out, arms back and head held high.  The day could not get much better...right?

As I was making my way through the trumpets blasting my praises and my name being called in the arena like the champion of the people, I noticed this seasoned Senior Airman walking down the exact same hallway (lucky me!).  I quickly made my way over to her to let her know the wonderful news.  I then detailed my glorious battle with the Commander and how I single-handedly was able to convince him to release her from the bonds of this life-threatening UIF.  As would seem appropriate, her face changed to show the surprise and excitement this wonderful moment would have on most human beings.  She then proceeded to utter the words we all wait for when such an accomplishment and feat had been done on their behalf.  "Cool".  Yep, you heard that right!  "Cool" was the response and dumbfounded was the young leader (me), who appropriately was left standing by himself in the middle of the hallway, trying to figure out what just happened.  

It took me some years to figure out my many mistakes here (you might be able to find more).  Below is a list of a few I could think of:

1.  In the excitement to prove myself, I don't ever recall letting the Airman know what I was trying to do for her or the process involved.
2.  I did not do this for the right reason.  In fact, I have come to find out that I did not do this for her at all.  I did this for my own pride.
3.  I thought for some crazy reason that I had something to do with the removal of the UIF, when that responsibility fell on the Commander.
4.  I was a whole lotta too proud about the accomplishment and not focused on just doing the right thing for the Airman.
5.  Most importantly (to me at least) I was looking for some gratitude from the Airman I had "saved".  I felt disrespected and shorted by the "Cool" response.
6.

(The last one is intentionally left blank for you to leave some comments to help me see my other flaws on this one)

I am a staunch advocate that leaders know how to express gratitude and do so on a regular basis.  Here is the catch with this...it MUST be sincere.  Throwing out meaningless flakes of gratitude will leave you empty and your people starving for a real leader.  In order to express gratitude, and do so meaningfully, you need to be a grateful person.  If this is not you...change!  Leaders find ways to give thanks in the worst of times. They are able to see the silver lining in all challenges.  Leaders always have an "attitude of gratitude" (Thomas S. Monson).  Leaders do not expect gratitude to be given for their actions.  They hope to teach this principle only by example and won't be found standing by themselves in a hallway wondering "what just happened?"

I am grateful for many things today, God, family, Country, friends (the list goes on), but in keeping with the spirit of this message; I am grateful for the Airman who thanked me by saying, "Cool", and the lessons that moment continues to teach me.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!     

What is an Empty Toilet Paper Roll (ETPR)?

Many of you know the story, but there are quite a few who are wondering what Empty Toilet Paper Roll (ETPR) Lessons is all about.  I guess now would be the appropriate time to answer this age-old question...what is an ETPR and why should I care?  So grab a seat (not a toilet) and let me spin you a tale.

Do you know what bothers me?  After sitting down after doing my business then looking over to see an ETPR.  Now I know that many of you have lived through this wonderful experience, but it is my opinion that no one should have to.  That being said, as I have pondered the meaning of life during these moments, I have tried to learn from the crappy situation I was stuck in.  I know, I know...that joke stinks (I'm trying to be real "punny").  If our best thoughts are done on the pot, then I have had a lot of time to think; and if these are my best thoughts, we are all in big trouble!  I have learned three things from an ETPR.

First, as I sat there in utter dismay, my mind began to think about the selfish prick who used the last of the toilet paper.  You know that person, who does not think about what others may want or need.  That person who thinks to themselves, "as long as I get mine".  That person who wraps their arm in four layers of toilet paper before wiping and then wonders where all the toilet paper went.  Yep, you know that person.  Why? Because at some point in our lives, we have all been that person.  So, I have learned that it takes selfishness to make an ETPR.  How do we fix this?

Through selflessness of course.  If we apply selflessness to this sticky situation, we would not have an ETPR.  What we would have is a full roll and maybe an extra one on the tank or strategically placed for when you need it.  So it is in our lives.  We need to think selflessly in order to be a great leader.  We need to think of the needs of the people we lead before we think of our own.  This principle is extremely hard to practice.  It is not easy to think of others before ourselves.  Even when we try to do the right thing for our people, we still seem to have that lingering thought - how will this benefit me in the long run?  Another fundamental to this principle and probably an even harder one to practice, is the idea that we have to think of the needs of our leaders before our own selfish desires as well.  I know what we usually think here.  It is the leader's job to think of their people first.  We all have served under those who have forgotten this principle. But part of this selfless way of thinking and acting means that we must put everyone's needs before our own.  This means we must trust our leaders, even when we may feel that they do not warrant our trust.  Let me be clear.  This does not mean that we blindly follow everything we are told or that we do not ask why.  It means that we think of how to help before we think of our own desires.  So, the first principle of leadership that I learned from an ETPR was the principle of SELFLESSNESS.

Now, back to the bathroom - after I am done fuming over the selfishness of people, my thoughts start to dwell on the other person who caused the ETPR.  This person is the lazy jerk!  It is the person that popped their head into the stall, noticed the lack of product to help them clean up and quickly went to the next available stall.  This person saw the problem and walked right by it.  This person decided that someone else will surely assume responsibility and replace the roll.  This person, simply put, was lazy.  We have all been here before as well.  Whether it is that piece of trash outside of our work center that you fail to pick up or the Airman out of uniform that you walk by and fail to correct.  The problem is the same.  Now we justify leaving this ETPR for the same reasons we walk by any problem that would require our efforts.  Stop me if you have heard any of these excuses before: "I am in too much of a hurry to fix this problem" or "Someone else will take care of it". We may even say "clearly this is someone else's responsibility".  All of these justifications have the same fundamental principle, laziness!  Countering this takes a little bit of something I like to call work!

Now I am not a big fan of four letter words, but it is imperative that leaders know how to work.  And not just regular work, but HARD WORK.  Yep, two-four letter words in a row.  Now this just got real.  The bottom line is that leadership requires work.  When Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden, they were told "by the sweat of your brow".  From that point on, people have always looked at work as a bad thing.  Am I a little twisted to think that God was giving them the secret to success?  It has been said that when you want success more than you want to breathe, then you will be successful.  What does this take?  It takes time away from the things you like.  It takes more time in school than in front of the television.  It takes more time on the road and less time on the couch.  It takes more time with people and less time behind your smart phone.  It may even take more time at work and less time with your bed.  Yep, "success is the right of everyone who wants it more than they want sleep" (Martin Luther King Jr.).  So the second thing I learned while sitting on the pot, putting in a little hard work myself, was the principle of HARD WORK.

This is to see if you are still reading.  Why did the super hero flush the toilet?  (Answer in the comments!)

So, as I sat there, in despair (that rhymed!) and thinking about my hair?  Nope, because you might not care!  Actually, while I was sitting down I was thinking about the selfish prick who used the the last of the toilet paper and the lazy jerk who walked by the problem, but mostly I was thinking of the predicament they left me in.  Then it hit me!   This was all my fault.  No matter how much I wanted to place blame on others for being selfish and lazy, I was the idiot who sat down, did my business and then realized there was an ETPR.  They did not leave me in this situation, I did.  The third principle we can learn from this situation is the importance of personal responsibility.  Leaders take charge and take the consequences.  They accept the fact that some things are outside of their control and do not make excuses.  They work selflessly at controlling what they can and will accept the outcome, no matter how good or bad.  Leaders take all the credit for the failure and none of it for the success.  They acknowledge the fact that they can only go as high as the team they lead will allow.  This principle is easier to accept when they are alone, but much harder to when they lead a group of living, breathing people.  Moreover, leaders take responsibility for the actions of those on their team.  They do not place blame and stand tall when someone has to take the blame.  They realize their role as a leader can be lost due to one simple mistake and are still willing to take the step in to leadership.

Another interesting trait of someone who takes personal responsibility is the fact that they feel responsible to others.  A leader is not only responsible for the actions of their team, they are also responsible to other people.  Great leaders have a keen understanding that they are accountable to those they lead.  Leaders are more motivated by this accountability than the fear of reprisal from their leaders or what others may think outside of their organization.  They are driven by this responsibility or stewardship to others.  This is what I believe to be the high point of the ETPR principle #3...PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

This is what I have learned from an ETPR.  If I can learn all of this from what is considered a wasted product, imagine what we can learn from an actual person.  I hear all the time from people who said they learned nothing positive from one of their old supervisors or an old boss.  Sometimes they say the "only I learned was what not to do".  My retort to this is, are you serious?  If you peel anything back and think about it, you can and will find something that you can grow and learn from.  You can learn to appreciate and grow from anyone, but you have to chose to do it.  You may even find yourself on a toilet one day looking over and realize there is so much more to an ETPR than what you read about today.

I invite you to find out what that is.

Jared

Why Empty Toilet Paper Rolls (ETPR)?

A while a ago, we were asked to be ready with three things to be ready to speak about at a moments notice.  I realized at the time, that I did not have just three things and that I needed to narrow my focus down on what I felt was MOST important.  It took some time, but eventually I was helped along by a great friend who said to me one day, "Just talk about anything!  It could be something as simple as an empty toilet paper roll".  From that point, the idea was created, drafted, prepared, redrafted and recreated...a few times over.  I have tried to build on it and have as much fun as feasibly possible when I deliver this message.  I have been supported and encourage by my friends and most importantly by my wife.  They have given me the support and freedom to make it my own and give me the feedback needed to make it special to me and hopefully reach a few people along the way.  I will not pretend to be an expert on this leadership thing.  I will promise to provide an honest opinion from my experiences and the opinions of those that I respect the most in this world.

These experiences will be focused on things that are important in my life.  They will revolve around work in the Air Force and my feelings and opinions about leadership.  My opinions and inputs will be strongly swayed by my love for my God, family and country.  They will definitely be influenced by my friends, co-workers, leaders, wife and my five beautiful daughters.  What they will NOT be is a perfect execution of leadership.  What will be extremely unique about this blog, is the fact that they will revolve around the many failures I have had in the leadership department.  You are free to post your utter disgust  for my opinions, ideas and lack of leadership abilities.  You are strongly encouraged to look for ways to help me become a better leader. My hope is that with the efforts of those who read this blog, we all will be better able to extend and grow our leadership capabilities.  If there are posts that degrade and tear down others, they will deleted and ignored.  These blogs and posts are meant to build and strengthen.  The hope is that this will be a great place to introduce problems you may be having and read about others who have overcome some of the same leadership challenges, and hopefully...have a whole-lotta-fun in the process!

Welcome to the Empty Toilet Paper Roll (ETPR) leadership forum...